a guy and a bee

today was good, horrible, and perfectly fine. i will start with perfectly fine, as it is where we are now and what people want to hear about, presumably. following four hours in the JHU emergency room, we are home with a clean-enough bill of health.

good news: after a high of nine medications, we are down to our last three. one may be discontinued on tuesday, one is an ICE medication, and one we have known we will be on for the long haul. the two medications that were discontinued today are a result of BBA’s bilirubin finally coming into normal range and his increased ability to maintain proper vitamin balance in his system.

horrible news: while the morning’s GI visit proved positive for bilirubin, the blood draw also flagged a significantly elevated potassium level which is one of the worst electrolytes to be out of wack. we were instructed to bring BBA back to the JHU emergency room for a repeat blood draw and EKG, as potassium has significant impact on kidney and heart function.

perfectly fine news: the EKG results were “fine” (more on that momentarily) and his potassium level had dropped a bit which lead our GI and endocrine team, along with the ER team, to believe that the initial results were skewed due to invitro hemolisis.

moral of the story: the more days that pass, the more i realize i am living in a parallel universe where “fine” is what i am hoping for. not normal. not great. not baby-tastic. just fine. we spent 21 wonderful days living in bliss of seeming improvement and “normal baby-land” only to have it crushed by a single phone call that something giant might be wrong. we are thankful that nothing is, but it was another reminder that, not just for BBA, something can always be lying under the surface that you know nothing about. it is a heart-wrenchingly awful feeling and, at the same time, a time to reflect on the need to be satisfied with fine because there is nothing wrong with it.

an amazing person in my life constantly reminds me to lower my expectations and find contentment in the status quo. i wish i listened to her more often, as she is always right . . . even if it takes me a while to get there sometimes.

so, as you end or begin your day reading this (for those of you still following our progress), enjoy the moment.

bp

It is September now. Two months and two days since everything changed. As Zack noted earlier this week, we got some good news last week. After a high (no pun intended) of 9 medications, we are down to 6 and may come off of two to three more by weeks end. At their two month check-up today, they both weighed in close to eleven pounds. They are growing, eating, and sleeping well. @littlepund has stopped trying to pull their feet off. Everyone seems to be settling in. 

This has, however, and will continue to be the hardest thing we have ever done. There is no time, breathing room, or breaks when you have three kiddos two and under. The days are long and nights are longer. We don’t sleep a lot, we don’t hydrate enough, we are trying our best. The calm of routine is something we treasure, and when the routine and schedule are off, the challenge sometimes seems insurmountable. To get through, we just keep making lists and wanted to share some things with you all. 

1. They look markedly different. We knew they were fraternal twins, but figured all of our kiddos would resemble each other in some way. BBB looks just like @littlepund did/does. BBA is completely different – permanent tan (from bilirubin/jaundice but also tone), dark hair, barely any neck, short and squat. It’s just entertaining to see.
2. Tandem crying is the worst sound in the world. Not only does it make you feel like you cannot do anything right, but the pitch pierces your soul and sets off instantaneous panic attacks. They are only quelled when you single-handedly stop the tandem crying and are somehow rocking two babies simultaneously on your shoulders. Highs and lows people!
3. Twins are magical. There is something about the connection of twins. Their affect. Their mannerisms. Their self-soothing mechanisms. They are like the same person in two separate bodies and manifestations. 
4. Sibling love is part of nature, not nurture. 
5. Our kiddos are loved. There was never really a question about this one, but over the past two months it has been demonstrated in leaps and bounds. It is remarkable to us that we can be so fortunate to have family and friends who have become family and coworkers and acquaintances who want our family to succeed and are always there to offer us support and encouragement.
6. Laundry is never ending. And thank you also to the people who come to our house just to fold our laundry. You are most appreciated!
7. Pharmaceutical representatives are generous people. For those who work with me, you know I have known this professionally for some time. But to have a sick kiddo, and to have had the chance to benefit from sample products from pharma reps, you develop an even deeper appreciation. This weeks generosity: a case of formula being sent directly to our home (separate form the free samples you can get yourself). Yes, you read that right…..A CASE!

ZP and I are so very grateful for everyone who has offered us support – physical or mental – over the past two months. We appreciate it more than you will ever know and we are working on thank you notes. 

And now, the hope of getting an hour of sleep before Thursday really begins. Wish me luck.