a guy and a bee
a collection of random thoughts and ideas from me, her, and sometimes us
Category Archives: bee’s buzz
August 6
There’s this thing that pops up at the new year…something becomes a habit after 21 days. I always think about it, about the impact of the things that I have done for 21 days have shaped me. There are probably a few. One for sure…the 35 days that forever changed who I am as a person.
- Being cut open without anesthesia.
- The silence when BBA came out of me – from everyone in the room. Deafening silence: machines not humming, doctors not talking, shuffling of feet.
- The commotion when BBB was born, and then the silence.
- Going to recovery without holding either of my babies.
- Sitting alone while Zack was in the NICU trying to figure out what was going on.
- Fighting – literally – to be able to see (not hold, just see, through a box) BBA before he was taken to Hopkins.
- Being in one hospital with one baby when the other seemed so far away.
- Being released without either baby.
- Forgoing all painkillers post C-section just to be able to drive to two hospitals to see two babies.
- Being told BBB was coming home – and it happened.
- Midnight phone calls that something was awry with BBA.
- Jealousy that Zack could visit BBA at lunch everyday.
- Laying on the kitchen floor feeling very alone.
- Being told BBA was coming home – and it did not happen.
Since August 6, 2015, things have not been easy but we have had many amazing moments. The most wonderful highs of life and love and laughter. The greatest gifts of knowing who our family was. People who have surrounded us and helped us get to today. Friends who always answered our calls, even when months went by in between, and always gave us funnies. Family who has never faltered to watch our kids and give them experiences. I will never again be the person I was on July 1, 2015. I almost don’t even know who she was anymore. But my life now….I wouldn’t change it for the world. #whohasitbetterthanus
BP
If only issues were simpler to solve.
There is a “new” song out. We can dedicate a whole other post to my confusion about various radio stations classify “new,” leading to me not knowing if this is a really new song or a new to this station song. Either way. “Nothing More” by Alternate Routes. If you have not heard it, look it up.
Earlier this month, there was a shooter in the Mall in Columbia. As it turns out, the individual who has been identified as the shooter was a scared teenager who needed help. He did not, seemingly, know the victims. He had a family and friends. And he noted in his journal that he had “mental health problems.” Please note, I do NOT, condone his actions or sympathize with him, however….
As a person, this had made me think, truly and deeply, about the people in my life. I am “in” public health and think mental health services are one of the most important we can offer people in turmoil, and people in general. I would like to think that I would help my family or friends seek mental health services if I thought/knew they were in a dark place. Could I actually see it in them though?!? I do not know but I certainly hope so. And if only someone had helped this person to face his challenges in a more constructive manner.
It is incredibly strange to have seen the town I live in on national news. It is also strange to see how quickly we are out of the news. I am thrilled, don’t get me wrong, for the big media trucks to be gone. But, it is almost as if our “event” wasn’t big enough or did not have enough behind the story to make it past a few days.
Growing up, shootings were not a frequent occurrence, as they seem to be now. Born in the early eighties, I remember, vividly, the news breaking about Columbine. It took almost 15 years. It was an astonishing egregious act that could not be understood and shattered the safety of my childhood. And, low and behold, mental health issues were at the core of the cause. If only those issues were simpler to solve.
Now, these occurrences make me feel less safe, but also more wanting to live my life without fear. And to teach my child to live with hope that the world can be better and work to make it that way.
A long year . . .
It has been a long, amazing year that has taken us far from our blog for many a reason. And yet, in the past few weeks, we have both been saying that we should get back here. So, here we are. Highlights from the last year in one sentence recaps.
Ravens superbowl win – 1.3.13
A triumph for a long-time Baltimore fan, a tragedy for a long-time Steelers fan, and a truly bittersweet day for reasons that will not be detailed here.
Chicago – 5.13
Zack drove to meet me in Chicago for Memorial Day weekend (only people who know him really well will understand how that sums up so much!).
Toronto – 6.13
Continuation of our quest to see the Orioles in as many stadiums as possible and a perfect long weekend completely outside of our comfort zones. Plus, slowly it turns . . .
New addition – 8.13
The greatest thing that has ever happened to us arrived on 8.15.13. Still going strong, six months later!
Sad end to the season – 9.13
After last season, it was hard to see the Orioles not advance to the playoffs; rest assured, we are counting down the days to the 2014 season – 35 as of today!
Elon’s 125 – 11.13
I know what quasquicentennial means, do you?
Sad end to two seasons – 12.13
And again, after last season, it was hard to see Baltimore not make it to the playoffs but thrilling to see the Steelers try to one-up them.
Not prolific, but a recap no less. Now, on to 2014. We will try our best to do better.
when to leap?
you have been in your first job out of college for six years. you have succeeded in that job – been promoted several times and given amazing opportunities to show the knowledge and skills you have gained. you have mastered the subject area for which you are responsible. and at the end of the day, you wish there was something more to learn. for those of you who read this, this is bee seeking advice . . . when is it time to take a leap of faith and try something new?
when you like your job, but you also wonder if there is something else out there to do. when you need a new challenge but do not know if you should seek it somewhere else or ask for a new opportunity where you are. when is it that you know you need to go down a new path and how do you decide what that new path might be?
sometimes it hurts
if you ask me
how i’m doing
i would say, “i’m doing just fine.”
i would lie and say that you’re not on my mind.
(gavin degraw)
some of the most complicated relationships in life originate from ones family. i am certainly no exception. and even with the most challenging relationships, i would be hard-pressed to ever say that those people are not on my mind. the mistakes we have all made. the really good memories. and the things that will never be forgiven. over the past week, however, i have come to find the depths of complicated relationships and the true challenge in seeing the world in black and white.
as noted previously, i am honest and loyal to a fault. i care much more than i should and think everything should be fair. setting aside half of the fairness argument today, in my opinion, withholding information and/or asking people you “care about” to purposefully lie to people they care about on your behalf is wrong. especially the person who you know wants to respect your wishes and be loyal to you and also needs to be completely honest to others. it is truly not fair. it hurts. it leads to tears and devastation and a complete crisis of conscience. which is more important . . . loyalty to the person who asked you to withhold information or being honest with the person you have been asked to lie to?
i made a purposeful choice a handful of years ago that i was not going to take sides in an argument that was tearing people apart. now i feel like i am back in the middle and needing to make a choice. i do not like it. i am really sad. and i really love my husband for the ice cream and shoulder and reassurance that at the end of the day there is no way i am going to be alone. maybe if the world did not need to be so clear – black and white – and did not have to be fair all the time to me, this would be easier.
sometimes it lasts in love and sometimes it hurts instead. (adele)
black and white.
I am honest to a fault and see the world in black and white. The gray area frustrates me. Right and wrong are so clearly evident. And yet, recently I have seen so many examples of people who seemingly have no moral compass at all. Those who, literally, drive on the wrong side of the road with no care for on-coming traffic. Those who ride the train in the morning without a ticket and see no difference between their action and stealing. Those who are lazy and unproductive simply because they have been able to get away with it.
As noted previously, I often sit and wonder where life will take me. I do so from the lens of working really hard to get to where I want to be. And I seemingly do so with others thinking I am “on a high horse” trying to make you feel small. Well, that is not my intention. I intend to live by a set of rules that clearly dictate, at least to me, what is in fact right and wrong, black and white, fair and unfair, and, most importantly, true and honest.
Maybe everyone can think as simply as me today. No middle ground, just two sides.
bee’s half marathon weekend
last sunday was finally the big day. bee’s first half marathon. she ran the flying pirate half marathon in the outer banks. she trained for months to prepare herself and knew she could finish so we were there to see that happen. interestingly the race was on sunday. the weekend was filled with races and this was the “premiere” event for the weekend. there was also a 5k and the storm the beach event. as we got to the weekend, we heard the weather wasn’t going to be great, but that wasn’t the end of it, it was a mess. on saturday, the weather was great as we enjoyed a few hours on the beach and then come sunday, it rained. and poured. and rained some more. it almost prevented her from running all together but as we got to the start line and it wasn’t pouring, she decided to go with it. everyone else seemed to be running and not worried about it.
for those familiar with the outer banks, the race starts over by kitty hawk elementary and goes along the road on the sound side. from there, they went around the wright brothers memorial and then onto some of the back roads and finally through the nags head woods conservancy. the race ended at the YMCA in nags head.
after dropping off bee, i ran to walmart and got sign making materials to make a sign. she didn’t know about the sign ahead of time and only sort of remembers seeing me with it as i waited out by the memorial, but it was worth it. i went to two of the sight see-er stops and then finally to the finish line. she remembers seeing the sign although she doesn’t remember seeing me at the first location but at the second stop, i didn’t get the sign out because it was pouring. from there i moved to the finish line and waited for her arrival and cheered for her as she ran by right before the finish line.
we both ended up being soaked when all was said and done and clearly her more than me, but it was an interesting experience. she ran her heart out and did what she set out to do, finish her first half marathon. oh and she finished at almost the exact time she thought she would too. i can say one thing, next time we hope it doesn’t rain. she has a great memory to hold on to and apparently a stress fracture in her left. we think it got hurt in the woods/off road section of the course where everything was uneven and a mess.
maybe next time, she will run it in a pirate costume or a tu tu like some of the other runners. haha.
the event/weekend was sponsored by the outer banks sporting events group and they do all the running events on the island. there is talk about running the half again next year or maybe the 8k in the fall. we’ll see!
needless to say, i was and am very proud of her and her accomplishment!
wondering . . .
As I am sure it is apparent, ZP and I are young. We graduated from a college we loved with drive and passion and a vision of the jobs we wanted. And we got them. We have worked hard. Fast forward six years and I have found myself wondering . . . is this what I want to be doing and what is the next step?
This one is really hard for me for a handful of reasons.
- I am loyal. I committed to being in my job and I work hard to meet and exceed the expectations set of me. When I consider moving on, my biggest worry is letting people down and not following through on the commitment I have made.
- I am a planner. I like structure and consistency. I like knowing what to expect, good or bad, and being prepared for that.
- I am scared. What if the next step I take is the wrong one?
- I am rooted in tradition. Eons ago, people took a job and made it a career. They stayed where they were for decades. They made the best of their situation. They kept their head down. They excelled. And they saw a difference between working to live and living to work.
Side note: I thought I had that last one down until recently. For all the challenges in life, recently I have found that it has been far easier to work harder at what I am doing then to figure out my next move.
I wish I was more spontaneous. I wish I was less scared. I wish I knew what I really wanted to do in life (other than sit on a beach all day).
I am far from ready to take a leap of faith and I have no real idea if now is the time to take advantage of a fork in the road. I love the work that I do and the people that it affects. I just wonder . . .
thank you for excellent customer service
complaining is not something zack and i do often. thank you, however is something we offer frequently. over the past few months, i have had some exceptional customer service encounters that i would like to share.
sperry – we are BIG sperry fans. love the brand, love the shoe, love the quality. i recently purchased a pair of sperry’s at a discount shoe store (who notably did not make the list) and, upon my second wear, found that one of the laces on the sperry was damaged. with my life motto of “the worst they can say is no” in my mind, i e-mailed sperry noting the issue. in a matter of hours i had a detailed response from sperry offering apology for my disappointment and clear instruction on how to send my shoes to the company for repair or replacement. never once was i asked where the shoes were purchased, their condition, or how i caused the damage. i sent my shoes off and within a matter of days had a new pair delivered to my doorstep. no questions asked.
visit http://www.sperrytopsider.com. you will not be disappointed.
ll bean – i honestly do not break things often, but the past few months have been challenging for my outwear (shoes above and jackets). i take the marc train and therefore spend a decent amount of cold mornings and evenings standing waiting for the train to arrive. last winter, i took the plunge and purchased an amazingly warm and long winter jacket from ll bean. i have always liked their winter gear, but was pleasantly surprised this winter not by their quality, but by their customer service. while flying home from vermont this winter, my jacket was placed on the security belt in the airport (not in a bucket) by a security guard. he promised me it would survive the short trip through the x-ray machine. he was wrong. my jacket somehow got caught and had to be forcefully pulled from the machine. at this point, i was running late for my flight and did not pay attention to the zipper on the jacket. i got home and went to zip my jacket, only to find zipper teeth missing and a small tear in my jacket. the next day, i went to our local ll bean and asked what the fee to repair my jacket would be. their response. nothing. the jacket i had purchased was not available in-store, so they issued me a credit for the full-price of the jacket in order to provide me to opportunity to replace my jacket at full-price, if necessary. they never once asked what happened.
visit http://www.llbean.com. they mean “guaranteed to last” and stand by their word that they will make you happy.
meadows – i love local businesses and i LOVE ice cream. zp and i discovered the meadows frozen custard not that long ago and have fallen head over heels. fresh flavors of the day (and a calendar that gives you a heads up of the flavors to come), an amazingly friendly staff, and the best owner ever are only the start of our list of loving them. but for this post, customer service is the focus. we were having dinner in hickory ridge one night and stopped by the meadows after dinner. having already closed, steve (the owner) could easily have said, “see you tomorrow night.” instead, he invited us in, noted they had closed, and told us we could pick anything that was out. we opted for an ice cream sandwich that had just been packaged (with homemade cookies and fresh custard, of course). steve recognizes you (probably indicating that we get ice cream too often), wants to know about your life, and ALWAYS thanks us for stopping in and inviting us back. he and his staff make you feel welcome and at home.
i think saying thank you and showing appreciation for a job well done are amazing gifts. i also think they make someone want to keep going their job well. so, i encourage you all . . . take a moment and appreciate someone going out of their way to assist you, or just doing their job well and not making your life more challenging.
thank you.
the greatest show on earth!
bee’s take:
truly how i felt today . . . finally circus day.
zp, being the phenomenal person he is and knowing that it takes very little to make me truly happy, has been introducing me to all the things i did not do as a kid. upon learning that i had never been to the circus, he bought the tickets and prepared me for the best day ever. fifth row end seats so i did not have to touch anyone and was close enough to be amazed and far enough to not be overwhelmed. the circus was amazing and far exceeded every thought i had of it. it was the greatest show on earth and just as magical as i had hoped.
what did we see today, you wonder:
- clowns – colorful and full of energy. and really good at playing off mistakes vs. making mistakes on purpose. incredibly entertaining. and colorful (oh wait, i said that once)
- elephants – adorable. well behaved. and they did such a good job at holding trunks to tails.
- tigers – not my favorite, by far, but they were synchronized.
- stilt walkers – they glow in the dark. really, does it get any better than that?!?
- acrobats and tight-rope walkers – their coordination, speed, and focus on what they are doing with every light-up toy and sound going on in the background is amazing. and they are really good at what they do.
- cross-bow man – they set him on fire and shot him across the arena in the dark. and there were fireworks. and then they made him not on fire with fire extinguishers (not as fancy or cool as you think it would be). and then they gave him a new cape and he ran into the center like it was no big thing to have just been on fire. kind of wackadoodle, thought provoking, and REALLY stunning all at the same time.
- jugglers – they were juggle-tastic.
- aerialists – one of those things that always make me sit with my mouth hanging open. they as so strong and delicate all at the same time.
- the strong men – whether or not the log they carry is “that heavy,” you cannot fake them lifting eachother or four other people and twirling them around in a circle for what seems like a really long time.
- horses (and mini horses) – they pooped in the three-ring circus. and, the circus workers were really adept at cleaning it up very quickly. also, just for the record, they are mini horses, not baby horses.
zp’s take:
when asked her favorite part, bee listed everything. at the end of the day, she keeps going back to the elephants and how well they stay together, holding trunks and tails.
lots of kids at the circus today and they didn’t even bother bee. well, other then the one that kicked her in the back, LOL. as a child, she never went to the circus so we have been fulfilling all those childhood activities one at a time and the greatest show on earth was in town so we went and saw the clowns. this circus show was themed “fully charged.” 
lots of lights and excitement as well as the standards. sadly, the clowns didn’t pile out of a car like you would see on any circus show/movie. of course, the guy flying across the arena on fire made up for it. funny how the simple things in life make her smile for days at a time. or a $12 snowcone in an elephant shaped mug, haha.
hey there
a guy and a bee 